02.17.

Ohio man cut off his WHAT?! On Valentine’s Day

An Ohio man cut off his penis on Valentine’s Day, according to a police report.

It happened in Hamilton, just north of Cincinnati.  The 69-year-old man also cut his abdomen open with scissors in what police are calling a suicide attempt.

Police arrived at the home at about 1:15 a.m. on Sunday.

They say the man was still holding the scissors when they got there.

Police disarmed him and rushed him to a hospital. His condition is unknown.

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02.05.

Flint, Mich. water supply to be replaced with Gatorade

FLINT, Mich.—The Gatorade Company, Inc. is poised to rescue Flint, Mich. from the crisis plaguing the town’s public water supply.  

According to a press release, the sports drink maker has secured legal ownership of Flint’s water supply, and have plans to upgrade the system to dispense their Lemon-Lime flavor rather than “boring old water, like one is apt to find in a toilet.”City councilman Dwayne Camancho admitted he hadn’t read the contract, but still praised the deal, pointing out the importance of adding electrolytes to the diets of the city’s children.

Representatives from the the local Costco School of Law said the deal was a unique contract without legal precedent, adding that they were welcoming to the deal which they loved.

City officials said they arrived at the conclusion to sell the water supply to a private company after an original plan to convert lead from the water supply into pencils failed.

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White Trash Repairs

White Trash Repairs is a humor and entertainment blog in the Three Ring Blogs Network. White Trash Repairs posts funny photos and funny videos daily that consist of terrible repair jobs, rednecks, redneck contraptions, redneck cars and other redneck ideas. Other members of the Three Ring Blogs Network are People of Walmart, Girls In Yoga Pants, Forever Alone, Daily Viral Stuff, Wedding Unveils, Neighbor Shame, Full of Your Selfies, Damn That Looks Good, Jaw Drops, Freaks of Fast Food, the Proud Parents and more.

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