Flint, Mich. water supply to be replaced with Gatorade

FLINT, Mich.—The Gatorade Company, Inc. is poised to rescue Flint, Mich. from the crisis plaguing the town’s public water supply.  

According to a press release, the sports drink maker has secured legal ownership of Flint’s water supply, and have plans to upgrade the system to dispense their Lemon-Lime flavor rather than “boring old water, like one is apt to find in a toilet.”City councilman Dwayne Camancho admitted he hadn’t read the contract, but still praised the deal, pointing out the importance of adding electrolytes to the diets of the city’s children.

Representatives from the the local Costco School of Law said the deal was a unique contract without legal precedent, adding that they were welcoming to the deal which they loved.

City officials said they arrived at the conclusion to sell the water supply to a private company after an original plan to convert lead from the water supply into pencils failed.

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